the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
