My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
