I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
