dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I lost the right to judge tonight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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