if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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