i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
