I want to stick my p in your. b.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
