my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
