she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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