I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
