i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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