dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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