the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
