You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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