i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
