Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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