Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
