Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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