just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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