he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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