The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
