It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
