I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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