just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
