Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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