I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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