I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
