If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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