watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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