I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
