just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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