is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
