he was CRYING into my vagina
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
