I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So apparently I’m into choking now
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