She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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