Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize