We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
