Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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