they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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