I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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