I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
