Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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