My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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