can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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