...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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