So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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