why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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She even gives head with a lisp.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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