I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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