When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
