It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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