Have you finally orgasmed yet?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
