GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
