I faked an abortion last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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