No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
