I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
