i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize