so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
