I am puke
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
