remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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