i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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