pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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