My first STD was from a foam party
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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