Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
