i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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