3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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