You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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