i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
