What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
