called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
